Krusty’s Partially-Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based Beverage
656 episodes. 30 seasons. Innumerable unforgettable moments. It’s the longest-running American sitcom, pervading the zeitgeist and, against all odds, becoming one of the most important cultural touchstones of the modern age.
Because of that, The Simpsons deserve a beer — and something better than a Duff. They deserve Krusty’s Partially-Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based Beverage.
It’s not a prerequisite to work in the brewing industry, but it’s close. Thorough knowledge of each and every episode — even going back to the Tracy Ullman days — is highly-prized.
Lab Manager Lauren Appleman actually got a chance to eat at the Krusty Burger in Universal Studios on a spur-of-the-moment trip with her husband and his parents.
“I’m not one of those people that can recall every single episode,” she says, “but I do use certain quotes fairly regularly: ‘Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder,’ and ‘Butter your bacon, boy,’ come to mind immediately.”
While The Simpsons has literally done every plot known to man — over thirty years, what do you expect? –, the name comes from season-seven episode “22 Short Films About Springfield” in 1996.
In a send-up of Pulp Fiction, Chief Wiggum, Lou, and Eddie are sitting in a Krusty Burger, discussing the differences between McDonald’s — “a Mc-what?” — and Krusty Burger.
Lou: You know, the funniest thing though; it’s the little differences.
Lou: Well, at McDonald’s you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don’t call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out! Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
Wiggum: Quarter Pounder with Cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty’s Partially-Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based Beverages?
Lou: Mm-hm. They call ’em, “shakes.”
Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don’t know what you’re gettin’.
“Hank and I were talking about milkshake IPAs, and how much I wanted to call a beer… this name… and he said we had to do it lactose-free if we were going to call it ‘…Non-Dairy…’.”
Unfermentable lactose sugars are always used in milkshake IPAs for their full-bodied mouthfeel, but, if we’re calling something “non-dairy”, that would certainly get negged by the powers-that-be at the TTB.
“Luckily, when we were in Portland brewing with our friends at Great Notion,” he says, “James was kind enough to turn me onto some tricks they use to produce vegan-friendly milkshake-like IPAs, which really came in handy with the execution of this beer.”
Golden Promise, rye, and oats round out the malt bill, adding a nice backdrop for the sweet finish and lush, fruity vibes on the nose.
Idaho 7 hops make a triumphant return in this brew along with Azacca and Cashmere. We last used the combination of Idaho 7 and Azacca as the primary hops in Aiding and A’Bretting.
“That was amazing,” Brian recalls. “Sticky, overly-sweetened, nearly-turning-to-mush pineapple and mango.”
We used Cashmere and Azacca in Beer Name, giving that brew a cornucopia of tropical fruits.
“So, I really wanted to see how they all played together,” Brian says. “I think they play very nicely off each other, and I’m really digging the aroma on this one.”
“I do think that this is a damn good milkshake IPA,” she says. “This guy is packed with a fruity aroma and flavor, and at just over 6% ABV you could have more than one. The beer finished at a high gravity so those residual sugars help give this beer a hefty mouthfeel.”
All of the elements of this brew come together for a thick and viscous beer with a tropical bouquet of flavors that pair beautifully off the luscious body and creamy mouthfeel.
“I would definitely have one of these to wash down a Krusty Burger with cheese,” Lauren says. “I would have said Ribwich, but I don’t think my arteries could handle that.”
Brian, on the other hand….
“I’m looking forward to receiving a Cease and Desist from Fox on this one!”
So long as the network doesn’t intervene, Krusty’s Partially-Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based Beverage releases on Saturday, March 30th. Available only in 16-ounce cans, this exclusive brew is not going out for distribution — you’ll only be able to get it in our Tasting Room. Everyone else can eat our shorts.